my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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