eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
