me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
