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i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's blow job season.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
