I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
