I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i will never coherently bang her
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
