Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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