i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
