i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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