Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
