Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
