I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
