I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
