she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
