Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
