if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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