I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
