i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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