life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Enjoy the penises
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I currently don't understand fingers.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
