Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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