I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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