Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
