They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
