Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
