you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
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She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
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I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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