just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
high people should be assigned attendants
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
