Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
