sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
