ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
