I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
