you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
