We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
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You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
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I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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