Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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