I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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