got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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