I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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