I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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