Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
