Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
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you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
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Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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