oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
