Someone shit on the floor
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
