I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
