It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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