Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My life is pants optional.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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