She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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