i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
