I hate all girls vehemently.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
