i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
