How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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