The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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