need another drink. this is the easiest way
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
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He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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