the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
