I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
