I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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