Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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