Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
