sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
